It is well known that a wedding is a very emotional time for the whole family, especially the mothers of the bride and groom. So much so, that conflict can arise easily and it can sometimes be difficult to resolve matters that are wedding related. We have done some thorough digging to come up with ways to keep both mothers happy while you focus on your own happiness.
How to keep the Mothers of the Bride and Groom happy
First, let us look at some of the things that are expected from the MOB (Mother of the Bride) and the MOG (Mother of the Groom).
The MOB’s (Mother of the Bride’s) list of duties
- Be present – no matter what! Attend every shower, party and rehearsal event and help with planning wherever you can.
- Attend the dress fitting, including the bridesmaid dresses
- Work with the Maid of Honor and assist her wherever possible – she cannot do everything alone!
- Advise the bride whenever she needs it, be it a pep-talk, should to cry on or just to tell her that she’s beautiful.
- Take up some of the responsibilities wherever possible – even if it’s just to check up on some vendors and suppliers.
Wedding Planning Duties:
- List yourself as the RSVP contact on the invitation. Also, follow up on late RSVP’s if you are up for the task.
- Assist the bride and groom with who to invite from your side of the family – be sure to include friends of the family, if the budget allows it.
- If the two families are already well acquainted, why not liaise with the groom’s parent to help with forming the guest list.
- Help the bride choose her Somethings.
- Help the bride to include some family traditions or heirlooms to include in the wedding (this can form part of the Somethings).
Duties on the day of the wedding:
- Try keeping the bride calm and ensure that she has breakfast, even if she’s not hungry – there’s nothing worse than a fainting bride on her wedding day!
- Check that the rest of the bridal party also have breakfast and that everyone is starting to get ready
- Remember to get ready and help the Maid of Honor also get ready – so that you both can focus on the bride and help her to get ready
- Make sure to have that final moment with your daughter before she gets married to the groom
- If there is no wedding planner, then you should liaise with the wedding party and help everyone be where they are supposed to. Also, check that all vendors have arrived and are on schedule.
(This is a shortened version of the to do list for the Mother of the Bride)
The MOG’s (Mother of the Groom’s) list of duties
- Attend the bride’s dress fitting
- Help and assist the Best Man wherever possible, even if it is something minor.
- Organize a meetup with the Bride’s parents and get to know them.
- Organize the wedding rehearsal and dinner – traditionally, the groom’s parents are responsible for paying for this.
Wedding Planning Duties:
- Assist the bride and groom with setting up the guest list from your side of the family.
- Meet with the Mother of the Bride and decide what to wear on the special day
- Choose a song for the traditional mother-son dance
- Offer to help locating vendors if the bride doesn’t seem to manage
Duties on the day of the wedding:
- Assist the Maid of Honor if the Mother of the Bride is unable to.
- Have your formal dance with the Groom during the reception.
(This is a shortened version of the to do list for the Mother of the Groom)
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Their Points of View
Before a case of conflict breaks out, or to prevent misunderstandings and drama from happening, it is important to understand where the MOB and the MOG are coming from. In other words, you need to understand their point of view for your wedding day. As we said before, it is an emotional time for everyone.
We cannot be sure what each and every bride’s circumstances are, but these opinions are based on the norm and can be taken from our perspective.
The Mother of the Bride’s point of view
This is every mother of the bride’s dream: her daughter is getting married! And obviously she wants to make sure that everything for her girl’s special day is absolutely perfect. Unfortunately, this can easily go South for many couples, as a lot of mothers want to help and assist everywhere and all the time – some of them might even try to implement their own ideas to replace yours… However, it is important that you give her the time to enjoy the special time before the wedding.
Side note: Don’t allow the mother of the bride to overtake the entire wedding – rather allocate tasks to her to keep her busy with and to still make her feel super important, instead of just saying no.
The Mother of the Groom’s point of view
Whether it is her only son or one of her sons getting married, it is still one of the most precious moments of her life. It is something that she is proud to be a part of. Even though she only has a minor role to play in your wedding, she is still one of the most important people that will attend your special day.
Side note: Traditionally, the Mother of the Groom has a shorter list of duties than the Mother of the Bride. Recently, however, it has become more accustomed to involve the MOG in more aspects of the wedding. Just to make her feel more important and involved.
How to make the Mother of the Groom feel more important
To make the Mother of the Groom feel more involved in the wedding, there are some tasks that you can give her to do.
Firstly, make her feel part of your wedding by letting her help you with the wedding planning process. Ask her to help you plan things, such as the decor or flowers. Let her run errands with you like picking up your dress or help you to shop for wedding shoes. Even if it is something small, she will appreciate the effort you make to let her know that she is important.
Secondly, let her share in all the special moments with you. It is tradition that the MOG and the MOB attend your very first wedding dress fitting. But let her be part of more than that. Take her with to menu tastings, cake tastings, venue viewing and anything else that you can think of where she can be invited with.
Finally, make her accustomed gift from you something special. Forget the usual jewelry. Why not make it something personalized? Something that she can use or hang on the wall to look at, along with your wedding photos? It will mean the world to her.