You’ve heard about them at least once in your lifetime. (You have been warned against them as a wedding planner.) But, Bridezillas are way more common than you think and it is so easy to become one. Here is a guide to How (Not) to Become a Bridezilla…
How to [NOT] Become a Bridezilla!
First of all, what is a Bridezilla?
Imagine you’re in a quiet, peaceful zone. Like the spa or something. Suddenly, in the distance, you hear the shouting and ranting of a young woman. She has disturbed your [inner] peace, thank you very much. You decided to move closer and try to figure out what the commotion is.
“I specifically asked for fuchsia!!! This is cerise pink!!!”; “Why are the table runners so freakin’ short?!!”.
Ah yes. A bride in distress. This one has already reached her breaking point… (Think of Godzilla, but in the form of a bride.)
Now, we are not saying that all Bridezillas are the same. Some don’t throw the usual tantrum. Some might break into tears mid-conversation. Other will drop everything and disappear – phone switched off. Some (and no, I’m not making this up) will even quietly torture your awesome wedding planning skills just because they feel like they should be the center of attention. However, they all have one thing in common – they make everyone else’s day miserable and difficult.
Secondly, here is why we might accept you, as a Bridezilla… Might…
One – we fully understand that it is your special day. A (usually) once in a lifetime moment that you will cherish forever. We have encountered many brides who have extremely calm and laid-back personalities, who will suddenly flip out over something small. Getting married is stressful, and everyone handles stress in a different way.
Two – we can manage your stress and tantrums because we have done it before, with other brides. However, this one has a side note: If you become too difficult a Bridezilla, most wedding planners will “fire” you. (Though it is true, there are some planners who love these kind of brides because they love a challenge…)
Most of us want to work with the perfect client, or what is known as “easy brides”. And that goes for people in each and every industry. But we also make peace with the fact that most clients are not perfect and some are better than others, personality wise.
Before we get started with the key pointers in your journey to becoming a Bridezilla, HERE IS A QUICK STORY…
“I have always felt that the wedding industry was for me. And I didn’t consider it as an option until after I received my degree in education. I took a course, and I decided “this is what I want to do” and my journey into the wedding industry has started (teaching 4th-graders has slowly disappeared in my rear view mirror as I drove away into the sunset).
Then I remembered, my mother used to own a bridal boutique when I was about four or five years old. I explored this vague memory by discussing it with my father. One key question I asked him is if they have ever experienced business with Bridezillas. “All the time”, he answered. He mentioned how, if a bride pays you for a service, they think that they “own” you in some way. It “automatically gives them the right to treat you like shit if they feel like it”. And that’s the story.
Moral: No, you don’t “own” anyone if you pay them for their services or products, in any industry. It doesn’t give you the right to treat them badly just because you paid for something they produced.” – Tanya
And now, here is the guideline tips that The Wedding Club Team has brainstormed and come up with, to help you become an award winning Bridezilla:
Disagree, on everything:
You have to make sure that you say “no” to each and every single idea that is pitched to you, no matter who it is. Not your wedding planner, fiancée or even your mother should be agreed with. No, no and no to everything. Then, the planner (or your fiancée) might get you someone fancy, who has years of experience and a shiny portfolio to go with. You will say no to that person, also.
The keyword to use here is “maybe”. Maybe, you should rather go for the red one than the blue one. Or, maybe you should have three bridesmaids instead of four. And also, maybe you should arrive in a limo instead of a Ferrari. Maybe… Yes. Whatever you do, just don’t make up your mind!
Have a personal, annoying thing to say
Having your own personal slogan to use is another way to reach your goal of being a Bridezilla. This slogan should be known as your “thing to say” to let others know that you think their idea is shit. Here are a few options:
- O.. M.. G.. No!
- Are you serious?
- You’re not serious.
- That is so last year…
- How can we possibly?
- Oh, we cannot possibly!
- You were saying…
- Great, so what other ideas do you have?
- Does it come in pink? (or even better: Does it come in “mizu”? – A type of light blue color for which no English word exists. This is the Japanese word for it…)
Also, be sure to use any or all of these personal slogans as much as possible. Or, better yet, use them all at once, in the same sentence…
As humans, complaining is normally our second nature (this can be your excuse when someone makes you aware that you’re constantly complaining). Be sure to complain about each and every aspect or person that you encounter. If you don’t immediately see something to complain about, find something.
Is the dress the perfect fit? Complain about the embellishments. Is the flowers so gorgeous and beautiful that it is Pinterest worthy? Complain about the color. Whatever you do, just don’t stop complaining about everything to everyone.
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It frustrates everyone when you are unreachable. This is good, keep going. The Way of The Bridezilla is to go incognito, or completely off the radar. Switch everything off – your phone, computer, Facebook profile… Heck, go change your name even! (You will score more Bridezilla-points.)
Unfortunately, there aren’t that many coupons or vouchers everywhere in the wedding industry. But it should be your mission in life to find every promotion, coupon and special you can, wherever you can. Also, be sure to bargain and negotiate with everyone who already brought their price down or gave you a voucher.
Did someone offer you a sweet deal on your flowers and decor? Tell them that their deal isn’t “sweet” enough, and “how can they make it even sweeter?”
Making excuses is a key characteristic of a Bridezilla. Were you supposed to fill in some form and send it to a supplier? Make an excuse of how your dog did something that delayed the process. Were you supposed to go to a menu tasting? Mention how you forgot…
Feasible excuses, according to some World Class Bridezillas:
- I had to get my nails done
- I had to meet a friend for lunch
- We were busy
- We forgot
- The power went out
- I lost the form. Can you send me another one?
- Something is wrong with my Gmail account… I didn’t get any emails
And, more Bridezilla-points for you if you can drag your fiancee into this and let him make excuses for everything as well. That’s a power-couple right there…
Throw Regular Tantrums
Yes, we mean the toddler-like tantrums you see in the supermarket when you’re out to buy milk. Also, your ticket to being a Bridezilla is to throw tantrums over absolutely nothing. Don’t tell anyone why you’re mad or upset. Don’t make it known… It should be a huge secret to why you’re throwing stuff at people and bawling like a baby.
Your tantrums should be what you’re known for as a Bridezilla. Make it a memorable experience for everyone. It should be your trademark, for life. And also, make sure there is a camera around to film the whole thing and post it on social media. #BridezillasForLife #BridezillaBaby #GlamZilla
Doing this more than once will score you many Bridezilla-points.
Be the Destroyer of Worlds
This is your Godzilla moment right here. You will make it known to others that you are extremely dissatisfied. This will be accompanied by your tantrum (see above) and will bring much Bridezilla-glee to your audience.
Destroy everything in your path. That gorgeous cake? Push it over. Throw those wedding shoes out the window (bonus points if it is out of a moving car). Push over all the mannequins in the bridal boutique mid-tantrum to show your dissatisfaction with their dresses.
Make sure to also not tell anyone why you’re behaving this way (again, see above).
Just Be Difficult
Be the person who everyone dreads. The one who enters the room and make it all about them. Be unapproachable. Throw in some socially awkward moves like walking away while someone is talking to you. You should be difficult to get through to. Try to become the type of person who people will describe as: “believe me, there’s a wall there, and its quite solid”.
Constant interruption and waving of hand is key here. Add the “one minute finger” for added effect.. If someone is trying to explain a wedding idea or concept to you, interrupt them by saying “oh, it sounds like such a boring story, please don’t continue”. Or, let them finish and ask questions like “are you sure?”/ “are your facts correct?”.
Lash out, at everyone!
If you’re going to make yourself heard, do it loudly. If you disagree to something that your florist suggested, tell her how extremely disappointed you are in her. Do this in high volumes and tones. Does the caterer present you with the most exquisite meal you’ve ever seen and tasted in your life? Be sure to disagree (see the first tip above) and shout at him for being such a rookie. Ask him if he thinks this is a soup kitchen or something..
Your glorious moment here will be if you lash out at your fiance in the chapel where you’re going to get married. Make sure there are people around to hear your raving and ranting (bonus points if they are nuns).
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Constantly be in a bad mood
People should be aware of this at all times. Or better yet, they shouldn’t, so that they can innocently approach you and you can lash out at them, also.
So, be sure to suck the good vibes out of everything. Much like sucking the olives dry in a Martini. Make it known to everyone that you are in a dark place. Don’t you dare get excited about that perfect dress. Let everyone know that you accept their ideas, but do so in down-tones and with utter un-excitement.